Publius & Co.

Friday Rat (and Dog) Blogging

Jack the Rat, meet Abita the Dog.

Terri Schindler-Schiavo

I was on the Metro this morning, reading an article in the Examiner about Terri Schiavo and yesterday's court decisions, when a phrase hit me. I've felt, for quite awhile, that to remove Terri's feeding tube was wrong, but I couldn't exactly say why until that phrase came to mind.

I don't claim to have a definite answer in what is right or what is wrong in Terri's case. I'm not there; I can't say whether or not Terri is in a vegetative state (I'm not a neurologist), nor have I seen any of the videos the Save Terri! groups are showing as an argument she's not (because I'm a wimp. I don't think I'd be strong enough to watch them.).

But I can say that what is being proposed to do to her--remove her feeding tubes and let her starve to death--is wrong. Waaay wrong. Wrong, as I sometimes joke, to the highest of wrongstivity! only this time it isn't a joke. And this morning, I found the words that told me why I feel it's wrong.

They wouldn't do that to a dog.

Really. Where I live, and I'm sure there are similar laws in Florida, animal cruelty is against the law, and I suspect willfully withholding food from a dog, starving him, would be considered animal cruelty. I suspect one who intentionally starves a dog would be subject to arrest and if found guilty, a fine at best, or a fine plus jail time at worst.

There are some differences, of course, between Terri's case and any theoretical case involving a dog. Terri's not a dog, for starters. Terri can't feed herself, and a dog with, shall we say, failing kidneys probably can, at least until the very end when the dog can't and you take him to the vet one last time for...

You know. A painless, humane passing.

It's confusing. Starve a human, don't starve a dog. Give a dog an injection, don't give a human an injection. It's real confusing (and no, as I'm not a lawyer, I won't even try to discuss the rights or wrongs of animal euthanasia or human euthanasia or death with dignity.).

I know I've been all over the place in this little essay, but that, to me, is just indicative of how confused and torn I am over this. But in all of this, the one thing I'm not confused about, is this:

They wouldn't do that to a dog.

Bianchi Bicycles

Quite possibly the most beautiful bike in the world: 1985 Bianchi CENTENARIO. And I know where there's one for sale. Fortunately (or not, depending on your point of view), it's too large for me.

More beautiful Bianchis here, here...and, of course, here.

Victor eats the gross food so you don't have to.

As someone who likes food, I feel it's my duty to try new things. I honestly can't think of a food I wouldn't be afraid to try at least once. Hey, I'm half-Mexican--I like menudo (Mexican tripe soup. Yeah, cow stomach. I digest something that's trying to digest me back.). I was eager to try sushi, and when I dated a girl who liked it, she took me out for some and taught me how to use chopsticks. Midway thru my first sushi meal, I realized I'm eating raw fish and almost upchucked everything. I didn't, and I enjoy sushi to this day.

The next thing I'd like to try is haggis, and should I ever find myself in Scotland, I'll be sure to have one.

But today, there was no haggis. Instead I had something from Trader Joe's--a drink they call Green Protein:

Click for bigger

I confess, in the store the color caught my eye. It also caught the gf's eye, who chose to remind me Soylent green is people! Ha, ha. Anyhoo, if you choose to, take a look at the ingredients and nutrition info:

Ingredients
Nutrition info

And, of course, the green goo itself, which is actually greener than this picture:

And the taste test? Well, it starts out OK. Sweet, but not cloying. It starts out enjoyable, but the unpleasant chalky texture was quickly overcome by the even more unpleasant grassy aftertaste. Didn'tcha notice all of those powdered grasses in the ingredients list?

OTOH, three of our rats loved it. There was a little rat-fu action by timid little Jack on big bad alpha George in an attempt by jack to get more than his fair share of the Green Protein. As for me, though, while I plan to finish the bottle, I think that'll be my first and last bottle of Trader Joe's Green Protein.

Friday Rat Roundup

The girls come out to play.

Don't forget to check out The Modulator's Friday Ark.

If'n I can convince the gf...

...you'll find me watching FREE HOCKEY on Sunday.

It's over.

$1 Billion Idea

Munuvian blogbro Jim at SBD is coming up with money-making ideas. Two of them are pretty impractical. The first, pre-sliced tomatoes, is dumb. The second, pre-made sandwiches, is a not-too practical turn on things that already exist. The third, a customized internet radio station, might actually work. He better get moving on it.

Everyone has had their ideas; I'm no exception. I even went so far as to submit one to the Domino Sugar company, in an email where I turned over all rights to them. Seriously. I didn't ask for money; all I asked for was an email in return. I never got it, so I hereby rescind all rights. You had your chance, Domino!

Here's my idea: You know how you can never keep brown sugar nice and moist? You buy some to make some cookies or something; two months later you've got a brick of brown sugar rock candy in your pantry.

So, my idea, that I am now claiming as my own and that will make me a billion dollars, is this: Brown sugar, instead of being sold in a single bag in a big box, should be sold in a bunch of little bags, pre-measured into 1/4 cup amounts, inside the big box.

Need a quarter-cup of brown sugar? Open up one package. Need a half-cup? Open up two. Full cup? Open up four...and every single package will be filled with nice, moist, ready-to-use brown sugar.

I rule.

Happy Birthday, Joe Don Baker!

I confess it's hard to come up with the right tribute. Ever since Mystery Science Theater 3000 skewered Joe Don in Mitchell, it's been easy to poke fun at him (which we did incessantly on the Joe Don Baker Discussion List). At the same time, we on the JDB List recognize and admire JDB for showing up for work, doing his job and doing it well, and not really calling any attention to himself. You really haven't heard his name in the news, making stupid comments about this, or getting arrested for that. To us, he's Everyman, just like in that episode of Honey West, broadcast nearly 40 years ago.

So, I've directed the Munuvian Dfilm Players in a little video birthday card for my favorite actor, Joe Don Baker. Don't take it seriously.

Happy Birthday, JDB!

Joe Don Baker Resources:
IMDB
TV-Now
Porkapalooza!
Dr. Torgo's Ode to Joe Don
The Yellow Thing
FameTracker

Joe Don Baker Week! V

Part I
Part II
Part III
Part IV

Heading back in time...In 1967, Joe Don Baker had a role in Cool Hand Luke. George Kennedy won an Oscar for Best Supporting Actor; Joe Don, even though he had a line or two as one of the prison inmates, wsn't even credited. You have to start sometime.

Also in 1967, Joe Don had a guest role in the television drama Judd, For the Defense. Joe Don was Merle Varney, a man best described as a royal asshole. Merle shoots a man during a robbery, then convinces his not-too-bright girlfriend to take the rap for him.

That is despicable enough; when he finds out his girlfriend had his son while in prison he refuses to help her out. Turns out he was wanted for murder elsewhere, was captured, tried and convicted, and is now on Death Row.

Joe Don has actually played relatively few bad guy roles in his career (at least, in the appearances I've seen). This guy is bad by any definition, and he's just a total bastard...until the end, when he does change his mind and decides to do the right thing where the mother of his child is concerned.

MST3K, in Episode 512, made a joke: "Joe Don Baker, face number four." When Joe Don, as Merle, makes the decision to do the right thing, he runs a gamut of emotions in about four seconds, and you feel exactly what he's going through--you want him off Death Row! In this role, as a man who finally decides a new life is more important than his own, he shines, and it's my favorite performance by Joe Don Baker.

Friday Rat Blogging

Four of our boys. On the left, Mistopholes (Misto) is resting on top of Mr. Ratburn. On the right, Rabskuttle is resting on Arthur.

The World's Worse Earwig

...is a schmaltzy version of Never My Love. You know, the slow one by a bunch of guys who are called "The Elevator-Music Singers" or something...

Take me now, Lord.

Joe Don Baker Week! IV

Part I
Part II
Part III

After the Greydon Clark movies, most of Joe Don's roles were supporting roles, rather than starring. Also, about a third of those were in made-for-TV movies or in a mini-series or two. Several of these movies were based on real-life incidents, ranging from biography (Citizen Cohn and George Wallace) to recent events (Abduction and The Siege at Ruby Ridge).

Four years ago, Joe Don was given top-billing in a movie that I suspect went straight-to-video, Vegas: City of Dreams (I monitor the Joe Don Baker entry at the IMDB, and while this movie had a release date of April Fool's Day, 2001, I never saw any advertising suggesting this movie was ever released nationally). Joe Don starred as the father of four babes, one of whom, unfortunately, had been murdered, and the three remaining babe sisters teamed up find her killer. John Taylor from Duran Duran was the bad guy, and he turned in, to my pleasant surprise, an excellent job.

Sadly, the script is hampered by ridiculous characters (one of the daughters is slightly psychic, and they engage the services of a mad scientist who, if I recall correctly, tried to read the brainwaves of the murdered girl in an attempt to learn who killed her), ludicrous dialogue, and people who can't act--JDB and John Taylor being the major exceptions.

Joe Don turned in one of his best performances. He simply was a doting father, who loved his daughters very much. It's a really dumb movie, but its saving grace is an excellent and touching performance by Joe Don Baker.

Joe Don Baker Week! III

Part I
Part II

After Walking Tall, Joe Don succesfully tackled the role of a hitman with a girl's name in Charley Varrick. Television appearances followed, in Doc Elliot and The Streets of San Francisco.

However, with a few exceptions, Joe Don's movie selection from then on left something to be desired. Such movies you've never heard of...Golden Needles...Checkered Flag or Crash...The Shadow of Chikara (AKA Wishbone Cutter)...and, infamously, Mitchell. A stint as the star of a TV cop show, Eischeid, lasted for one lonely season.

Then, tragically, Greydon Clark cast Joe Don Baker in three movies. Of those three movies, two of them were, to be generous, complete and total pieces of crap.

Wacko was possibly the first slasher movie satire ever made (it was also Andrew Dice Clay's first movie role. I'm sure Dice is grateful not too many people know that.). Sadly, it stank to high heaven. Joe Don Baker was cast as Det. Dick Harbinger, a detective who hadn't slept in thirteen years while trying to solve the case of the Lawnmower Killer. He turns in (as usual) a creditable performance (it's not his fault the script sucked donkey dicks), but not even the sight of Joe Don donning a big flowery dress with a sunhat (bearing a strong, cleaner-shaved, resemblance to the Hogettes) while getting whipped by a dominatrix can salvage this film.

But he tried. Lord, how he tried.

Right after that, Greydon Clark tried again, with Joysticks. Joe Don was some guy who yelled at a lot of teenagers while trying to shut down the video arcade, or something (BTW, this was made the year before Footloose, so any similarity in plot is purely coincidence). This is one JDB movie I don't remember too much about, except that, as I recall, Joe Don might well have phoned this one in, and not even gratuitous boobage could salvage it. I mean, it really stinks, and I strongly suspect that if it hadn't been for the third chapter in the Joe Don Baker/ Greydon Clark trilogy (Final Justice, a cop movie which I actually enjoyed, both by itself and during the MST3K skewering it received in Season 10), Joe Don might still be wishing eternal horrors on Greydon Clark.

Joe Don Baker Week! II

Part I

For my next installment of Joe Don Baker week, I move up a few years, to 1974 when the short-lived TV show Doc Elliot was broadcast. Joe Don Baker had, by this time, achieved full-blown star status due to the success of Walking Tall. As such, Joe Don is credited as a "Special Guest Star" in his appearance.

Joe Don is Aaron Hickey, a down-on-his-luck West Virginia miner who has relocated to Colorado with his young daughter, looking for work in the lumber industry. Doc Elliot becomes involved after he offers a hitchhiker, Mrs. Hickey, a ride. We find out she's hitchiking to live with Joe Don and his daughter, who, unknown to her mother, is suffering from a serious heart ailment. Aaron refuses to let Doc Elliot admit his daughter to the hospital because, we find out later, the Hickey's lost their son at age two to an ailment with similar symptoms, putting them more than $30,000 in debt.

Joe Don's performance as the agonizing father is a little under par. Several years earlier, he protrayed another conflicted man with a young kid in Judd, for the Defense, where, in the space of a few seconds during a crucial scene, he ran thru a dozen emotions in the space of a few seconds when faced with a decision as difficult as whether or not to put your six-year old daughter in the hospital. Joe Don's Aaron Hickey, when trying to decide if Doc Elliot is telling the truth about how he might be able to save his daughter, pretty much just stares dumbly at the good doctor.

I concede that might be more in line with Aaron Hickey's character--a rather proud man who was the hopeful one when his son was dying and, convinced there's nothing that can be done for his daughter now, does not want to go further into debt then he already is. Still, having seen that Joe Don can succesfully demonstrate the confusion that makes strong men weep, a blank stare is a bit of a letdown even if it is in character.

A Walk by the Lake

If you've taken a look at the gf's blog, she's feeling a little down about work and weather and things. It's my duty to cheer her up, right? Fortunately, I know one thing that pretty much guarantee's a smile from her: waterfowl.

Goose (and duck and seagull) city! Click for a bigger version.

For some unknown reason, a swan inhabits the big neighborhood lake (the one we have to drive to, not the one we can walk to). She (why does everyone, including me, assume a swan is a she?) was flying overhead--she made at least two loops before landing in the water.

When she noticed us standing on the side of the lake, she came toward us. I'm sure she could smell the cracked corn. I was amazed at the size of her feet, and the fwapfwapfwap sound they made as she walked along the ice.

Notice how the swan has a little waterline? She was joined by some ducks, including this guy who figured out a way to sneak some cracked corn from the swan...

...because swans are pretty territorial.

The gf likes geese. I like the ducks. Sadly, no geese really joined us today.

Betcha they were afraid of the swan.

Joe Don Baker Week!

It's Joe Don Baker Week here at Publius & Co., because Joe Don's 69^th birthday is this Saturday! Yay! I will spend the week reviewing some of Joe Don's appearances in things you didn't know he appeared in. To make it more challenging, I'm not even going to bother watching these again, even though it may have been years since I've seen them last.

They'll be accurate, though. Such is the effect Joe Don has on me.

First up is Joe Don's appearance in the fifteenth episode of the mid-Sixties private eye show, Honey West (produced by Aaron Spelling, before he started producing nothing but crap).

For a little background, Honey West starred Anne Francis (one of the great classic beauties of our time) as a very modern, very Sixties female private eye. She lived with an ocelot named Bruce, and may or may not have been sleeping with her ruggedly handsome partner, Sam Bolt.

In December of 1965, the fifteenth episode of Honey West, Rockabye the Hard Way was broadcast, where Honey, Sam, and Bruce investigate the apparent hijacking of a truckload of missle parts. The truckdriver makes an appearance only at the beginning and end of the episode, but he's memorable for one thing, and one thing only: The truck driver, Rocky Hansen, was portrayed by Joe Don Baker. To be honest, Joe Don's performance was a bit flat, but it may well have been because he was nervous. Or something.

This episode is his earliest credited appearance, according to the IMDB listing for Joe Don Baker (it's possible he had some other minor uncredited roles, as well as some commercials, of course). Nevertheless, his very brief performance (certainly less than two minutes) gives us a peek at Joe Don's future mainstay roles: Everyman, with a southern accent.

Friday Rat Roundup

Two pictures of Zoe, my favorite girl.

Zoe looking regal

Zoe looking adorable

Look at my new toy!

It's a Happy Hacking Lite 2 keyboard on top of my old, full-sized 104-key keyboard. Now the mouse isn't five feet away. It's normally $69...but not on eBay. It looks like the only thing I'll have to do to it is reprogram the DELETE key to BACKSPACE by flipping a switch. I'm ashamed to admit I use the backspace key a lot more than the delete key.

Reactions to Kanga

Wow! Kanga's picture drew, quite possibly, the most comments I've had in quite awhile, and only two of 'em were mine. Lots of questions were asked, so I thought I'd discuss them here.

First, both Liberal Larry and SB ask, basically, what is Kanga, despite the "Friday Rat Roundup" post title. Larry further wonders if Kanga is a shaved rat.

No, Larry, Kanga was born bald. Yes, she's a hairless rat; furthermore, she's got dumbo ears--they're larger than standard ears, and they're on the side of her head. Isn't she beautiful?

Larry further comments that he's going to have nightmares for a week, which, truth be told, makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

SB would also like to know if it is "weird" to pet her. No, it's not weird. I enjoy petting my rats, and since she's got no insulating fur, she's like a little blast-furnace hand warmer.

Nic, Salsa, Pip, and Fig are some male rats who lovelovelove Kanga and would like to get to know her better. Seeing as how they're in Hawaii and she's stuck in Maryland and is also kinda deficient in the warm fur department, I'm sure she'd like to get to know them better, too.

Liz dreams about knitting a sweater for a hairless rat. Victor dreams about Liz getting shredded into little bits when she tries to put a sweater on a rat.

Jeremy, being a British gentleman and all, wishes Kanga a warm welcome, then accuses me of posting rat porn. Hey, we're all naked under our...uhhh...fur.

Ted wonders about the genetics of hairless rats. She's a mutation, basically. Could've been better--she could've mutated like the rats in this movie and taken over a department store. Or, she could've mutated into the GIANT 50-FOOT RAT FROM PENNSYLVANIA!

Hairless rats are a recognized breed by the RMCA. It was the way she's born, and no, she's not genetically an albino. Albino rats have fur.

Finally, Tiffani asks, and I quote, "Is it me or does Kanga look stoned?"

No, Kanga does not look stoned. It's you, Tiffani.

Somebody stop me!

I can't decide which one I like better: