Publius & Co.

Earth vs. Soup, Part II

I finished watching Earth vs Soup, in order to see if it could stand on its own two feet (or six, depending on who you were rooting for), because Ted implied it could. I, being a huge fan of the actual book, was more than a bit skeptical, especially since I almost destroyed my tv and vcr watching it the first time. But enough background.

When I ended my previous demi-review, I was about halfway thru the movie, and I had discussed the plusses and minuses of the movie up to that point. In a nutshell: explosions, gore, babes and ToughChick are good. Denise Richards (as Waste of O2) is bad, as is the contrived and totally unnecessary love-triangle thingy between SquareJaw, Waste of O2, and Richard Hart.

In the movie, Buenos Aires Munchkinland had just been obliterated and SquareJaw decided to stay in the MI because he felt guilty about a man in his squad dying during a live-fire exercise. Granted, his Pee and Em were in Munchkinland when it got blown up, so that might have had something to do with his decision.

Next, SquareJaw, ToughChick, and StupidHaircutBoy bond by getting tatoos. Not because they're in the same squad, or not because maybe they like each other (though it's obvious ToughChick likes SquareJaw a lot while SquareJaw is pining away for Waste of O2), but because they all got the same tatoo.

OK, lots of explosions, SquareJaw gets wounded and is mistakenly filed away as KIA, but he recovers while he's asleep in a tank of green water. In the meantime, Waste of O2 thinks he's dead. Richard Hart moves in.

SquareJaw & Co. all get reassigned to a new company and immediately piss off their new mates by insulting their lieutenant, who apparently saved the lives of half of the company and their grandmothers at one time or another. Anyway, it turns out their new lieutenant was SquareJaw's and ToughChick's (as well as Waste of O2's) old High School teacher!

Soon after that point, the OK science fiction movie I had been watching took a turn for the worse. One thing about a science fiction movie is that you absolutely must suspend disbelief--otherwise, you can't have a science fiction movie. This one is filled with spaceships and big bugs and promotions at the drop of a hat ("They need a new lieutenant. Want the job?" to a sargeant.) I'll suspend disbelief for the first two, no problem. I'll even suspend disbelief for the cavalier way in which promotions are handed out, but I won't enjoy it.

But dammit, I want some things to be believable!

Soon after we learn Lt. Jean Rasczak Lieutenant SilverHand saved the lives of the entire human race, he proves himself, to me, to be as good an ell-tee as my toilet seat. On a patrol, he apparently ignores falling rocks (again, with me saying, "Sure, lead a patrol down the middle of a canyon instead of on the rim."); right after that, his radioman gets attacked by a big flying bug, and is dropped on a ledge, still alive.

So does Lt. SilverHand order a rescue squad? Does Lt. SilverHand rescue the radioman himself? Does he at least shoot the fucking flying bug so that maybe the radioman could climb down himself?

No. Lt. SilverHand shoots the radioman, then tells his squad, "I'd expect any of you to do the same for me." Yeah, I'd fight for this twinkie.

The movie went downhill from there.

Troopers survive ridiculous wounds while others die from the same wounds. Five million rounds at close range won't kill a bug, but one shot from thirty gazillion meters and the bug drops like a rock. SquareJaw stands on top of a big bucking bronco for seemingly forever (actually, a big bug, but it was bucking like a bronco, and SquareJaw was just standing on its back like the Colossus of Rhodes)...it just got ridiculous. Suspension of disbelief can only carry you so far.

It got completely ridiculous toward the end, when Waste of O2 suffered a horrendous shoulder injury (forgot to mention: she went to Face Number Two for the second half of the movie: dull frown) and she didn't die, from neither shock nor blood loss (or maybe she did. It's hard to tell with acting that stiff). Anyway, during the Big Rescue Scene, she finds out SquareJaw is still alive, but her shoulder, despite having had something like a traffic cone go thru it, was fine enough that she could shoot a weapon, help drag someone to partial safety, then outrun a nuclear explosion.

I'm serious! These guys outran a freakin' nuclear explosion in underground tunnels--at least up to the point where they Just Made It past the unstable ceiling, which collapsed behind them just in time to shield them from the fireball.

No, I'm not buying it.

So, after viewing the movie, I tried to decide what the theme was. I mean, even Plan 9 From Outer Space had a theme (namely, anyone can make a movie).

Was it something to do with the perseverence of the human race? No, I don't think so.

Maybe something about how friendships forged in battle are forever? No, not that either. Does it say something about the duality of man? Maybe, especially when Lt. SilverHand shoots his troop rather than save him...but that doesn't seem right either.

I can only think the theme was something along the lines of: "Why read the book when you can read the dustjacket?"

Yeah, I think that was it. Sorry, Ted, but I have to give Earth vs. Soup two thumbs down.

Everybody's doing it

Thanks to, well, pretty much everyone in Munuvia (but it all started with Daniel), I now have a map of all the states I've visited.

When we were younger, family vacations were a four-week, every-other-year affair in the car, pickup, or van, making a triangle from Maryland (home base) to South Carolina (mom's family) to California (dad's familia) and back to Maryland. We normally took a southern route--but I distinctly remember having dinner somewhere when I was a kid, marvelling at how fast the clouds were moving in the sky, and my mother telling me it was because we were in The Windy City. I'm sure I passed through some other states on our way to Chicago, but I'm darned if I know 'em for sure. So, like everyone else, I may be missing one or two. Take a look in the extended entry if you're curious to see where I've been...

create your own visited states map
or write about it on the open travel guide

NOTE: I actually did this two days ago, but never published it...and I didn't notice till now.

Earth vs. Soup, Part I

Last night, I finally took off my Heinlein-colored glasses, grabbed Rat Witter, sat down in my chair, and popped Starship Troopers Earth vs. Soup into one of my Christmas presents: a VCR-DVD combo. (Now, because I'm trying not to think of this movie as based on a Heinlein novel, I not only renamed the movie to Earth vs. Soup, I also renamed the characters. You'll see that as we go thru my review.)

I only got thru the first hour of it, because I was beat. I was falling asleep, and it wasn't the movie, to be honest. I'm just getting old before my time (Rat Witter also fell asleep, but that was because I was scratching him juuuust right).

In that first hour, though, I could see why Ted would say it's not a bad movie. It's got all those things guys like in their movies:

• Blood.
• Gore.
• Lots of noise and explosions.
• High-powered weaponry.
• High-speed vehicles, in the form of big-ass spaceships.
• Weird things and weirder aliens.
• Babes.
• Shower scenes with babes in the showers.

Even with all of those things on the plus side, there are a few negatives already:

First, Denise Richards: She's easy on the eyes, of that there is no doubt. But she's supposed to be an incredibly intelligent spaceship pilot, but I can't believe it because her only expression is one of dull surprise. I'm serious: Blocks of wood show more emotion then Denise Richards. I kept wanting to smack that drooling-child smile off of her face--not because it was annoying me, but to see if the faceplate would come off and uncover all of the machinery (or jello) beneath it.

And what's with the love-triangle thingy with Rico SquareJaw, Carmen Waste of O2, and Zander Richard Hart? It's totally unnecessary, it doesn't add anything that guys would dig, and it's really totally unnecessary.

It's also just completely and totally unnecessary. Dammit, get back to the blood and gore!

On the plus side, I have to say I like the character of Dizzy Flores ToughChick (Dina Meyer). I do believe ToughChick could kick my ass with both hands tied behind her back, as any MI should be able to.

OK, that's enough for the first half. I'll give my full review when I've finished watching the movie.

More Commercials

The gf played one of these for me last night: The Bud Light Real Mean of Genius/Real American Heroes radio commercials.

I lost it. I almost dropped a rat or something, I was laughing so hard, and all the time she had a look on her face that said You're going to blog this. You're going to blog this and brag that it's you, I know you will. Gawd, you're disgusting sometimes.

Every now and then, she must hate it when she's right. Heh.

Most of these I haven't heard...I really lost it when I found out Bud Light did one about my job.

Yep, I'm officially A Real Man of Genius. And to think you all knew me when. Assists to the gf, though she may not admit to it, and The Best Damn Sports Blog, Period Off-Wing Opinion.

This is just wrong.

The local classic rock station is WARW-94.7 FM. It's a nice little station, where I can be sure to hear some Led Zep, Who, Pink Floyd...all the good stuff from the seventies that the gf loves so very much, and that makes me feel a lot younger, since I went to high school (GO TROJANS!) way back when Mookie would have been a look of panic in her father's eye, not a twinkle.

But they're doing this weird programming thingy: 15 Years in 15 Days--1968-1983. I've started turning on the radio in my office, now that I'm keeping the door closed, and today is 1983.

Listen, I loved most of that stuff when it was new. But to hear Laura Brannigan's Gloria (and further discover I still remember all of lyrics) on a Classic Rock Station...no. That was not the right thing to hear yesterday.

Today it was Culture Club (the one band guaranteed to get my ass off the dance floor...bunch of no-talent...man, my blood pressure is still up)...I considered never listening to the station again.

There are some things you should just not hear on a retrospective, no matter how popular it was. For example...I know you could go the rest of your life without hearing the song in the extended entry...

Snow

I'm really, really sick of this shit. But I bet Cornelia is happy.

Earth vs. Soup

In response to an earlier post where I disparaged the movie version of Starship Troopers, Ted suggested the movie is an OK flick, provided I first remove my Heinlein-colored glasses. So tonight, I shall head on over to my local Blockbuster and rent Starship Troopers, only I'll rename it Earth vs Soup and I'll consider it an amazing coincidence that the names of all of the characters in Earth vs Soup are the same as those in Starship Troopers.

Look for a review of Earth vs Soup soon!

Hot and Cold

Yesterday afternoon, it was positively balmy. For the first time in quite awhile I walked to the Metro with neither gloves on my hands nor my hood up. The temperature at 4:47 PM was, according to the Dupont Circle SunTrust Bank clock/thermometer thingy, 44 F. I've got the pictures, to prove it, too.

About fourteen and a half hours later, at 7:15 AM, the Dupont Circle SunTrust Bank clock/thermometer thingy said it was 20 F.

They're calling for a slight warmup today, to the mid-thirties. The warmup should also bring snow with it.

I'm gettin' sick of this shit.

Welcome to my life.

See, I wake up at about 5 AM. I let the dog out, medicate my rats, medicate myself, shower, stretch, get dressed, feed rats and guinea pigs, then leave at about 6:30 AM to go to work. I get home at around 6 PM, and I try to go to bed at about 10 PM. Between those hours, I have to medicate rats, feed rats and guinea pigs, feed myself, maybe relax a little. That means I get about four hours out of the day to myself, if you think about it. I wish I got more than four, tho.

That's my life and I'm happy with it.

Anyway, I do my best websurfing during luch, and I thought I'd share a couple of links with y'all. It's amazing what you can find if you follow links from other places--blogs & discussion lists are great--typing weird phrases into Google, stuff co-workers find & send to you, and suddenly remembering stuff you found a million years ago while eating. So, here are a few. . .

1. FireDanSnyder.com. Me and the gf heard a teaser for it yesterday AM on WTOP, and she was lucky enough to hear the report while travelling between buildings. It's actually pretty light on the content, but I love the sentiment. My favorite part is the blunders page.

2. Hollywood Lost and Found. Even more Hollywood trivia, with an emphasis on props and sound effects--at least, those are the parts I like best.

3. Guinea Pig Theater by MuseArts, found via one of my guinea pig discussion lists. The classics, as performed by animated guinea pigs. I highly recommend Prometheus Bound, but there's something for everybody in there.

4. Kites. I like kites, though I don't fly that often (see intro). They're fun to fly, beautiful to look at, and when the sky needs a little dash of color other than blue or white, what else can you turn to? I've got lots of kite links; two of my favorites are Japanese Kites (click on the Traditional Kites link), and the magnificent Kite Aerial Photography.

5. eBay. I spend waaay too much time on eBay.

Have fun. . .and don't forget to go back to work when lunch is over.

Forgot one thing...

I was one of the first bidders for this collection of Rembrandt drawings, etchings, and engravings. I didn't expect to win, but for some strange reason I'm still kind of excited I was involved.

Still have a day and a half to go--if I hit the lottery tonight, I still have a chance.

Guess I should buy a ticket.

Random stuff.

All that stuff I listed I had to do took longer than I thought, so I didn't get my stuff typed up last night. Here's the quickie stuff:

1. Dean's Speech: I heard it first yesterday morning, on one of the local morning zoos (as a punchline--no context) during my drive to the Metro, and I thought it was Hulk Hogan announcing his upcoming itinerary. While the, "Yeaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrr!" sounded like classic Hulk, the part about, "...going to the White House!" did confuse me.

2. Someone needs to tell this bird WWII is over and we won. Besides, shouting, "F*** Hitler!" is hate speech.

3. Liz's leg (broken while playing hockey) is healing, and she can skate again! Now you know who that girl walking around DC with a big smile on her face while wearing CCM's is...

4. The local all-news AM station, WTOP, and AOL has compiled a list of the 'Top 10 Spam E-mail Subject Lines." Number ten is, "As seen on Oprah," which I don't think I've ever seen.

5. heinlein blog reports Heinlein's 1966 novel The Moon is a Harsh Mistress is going to be made into a movie. Producer Tim Minear has been hired to write the script and he pledges, "...to try to stay as close to Heinlein's politics and Heinlein's vision of the future that I can, while still taking the story and trying to make it into a movie." He certainly couldn't do worse than the hack who destroyed Starship Troopers.

6. And finally, I confess I have yet to finish reading For Us, The Living. Folks, it is dull to the highest of dullstivity.

Dammit!

I had a great lunchtime post typed up, then it got losted when I tried to find another link (IE crashed).

Y'all don't know what you missed. I'll try to type it up tonight, but I've got to medicate three rats, nebulize two of those guys, go to the grocery store, eat, play with rats, and watch more American Idol auditions.

I swear, the auditions are funnier than Mad Magazine, the Weekly World News, and The Onion, all rolled into one.

Also, My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiance. Can't wait for the next episode.

ATTENTION RAT PEOPLE--and you, too.

A major rat rescue is taking place in the San Diego, CA, area.

I've no details on how the situation got out of hand, but does it really matter? Wee Companions Small Animal Rescue has been asked to help provide care for and to find homes for over 200 rats, mostly dumbos.

Operation Dumbo Drop is a webpage that has been set up to supply some details about the rescue and the rats. Due to overcrowding and hunger, a lot of these rats are missing limbs and parts of their tails--if you've a weak constitution, don't look at the "Injured Rats" page, nor "Roo's Page".

All supplies are needed, as is money. Wee Companions is a 501(c)3 non-profit, so your donations are tax-deductible.

I hope some of you can find it in your heart to help out Wee Companions.

Blogiversary!

No, not mine. Left & Right The Greatest Fucked in the History. Everyone head over and wish Rob and The Big Hair a happy first blogiversary.

While you're at it, tell him how much you love (or hate) his personal list of 100 Greatest Guitar Players or his list of Greatest Bass Players. Rob loves comments, especially if English isn't your first language.

Color me stupid.

I just realized why it's so freakin' cold in my office.

And I'd tell you it's because I never turned on the baseboard heater in here, but I don't want you to think it's because I'm stupid or anything, so I won't.

It's colder than a witch's patootie outside.

I know it's not as cold in Washington as it is at, shall we say, Brandeis, but baby--16F according to the Dupont Circle SunTrust Bank clock/thermometer thingy at 7:30 AM is cold enough for this half-Mexican kid who was born in the south and moved (almost immediately) to Key West, then San Diego, then Hawaii, and never saw snow till I was nine or ten.

I'll not discuss the windchill.

I took pictures of the Dupont Circle SunTrust Bank clock/thermometer thingy, but I can't download them from my camera because the security settings here at work won't let me install the drivers and picture viewer to my work computer. It's probably just as well, because I've got the picture settings at their highest resolution (2592x1944, super-fine quality) and I don't have any image editing software at work, either. I'll get them up when I get home tonight.

UPDATE: Or the next day. First, the time:

That's a reporter from the local Fox affiliate in the van. I'd tell you her name, but I'm blanking on it, and she's not listed on their website. Too bad, because I saw her at 5:00 AM freezing in front of the clock when it said 15F and she really should get credit for duty above and beyond.

The temp:

Well, what have we here?

Pictures of Saddam's capture. Seriously.

Thanks to Jay at doubleplusgood infotainment.

Anything for a fellow Redskins fan.

You have to read this post to understand the following. I've created a monster.

This is the Greatest Fucked in the History This is the Greatest Fucked in the History This is the Greatest Fucked in the History This is the Greatest Fucked in the History This is the Greatest Fucked in the History This is the Greatest Fucked in the History This is the Greatest Fucked in the History This is the Greatest Fucked in the History This is the Greatest Fucked in the History This is the Greatest Fucked in the History This is the Greatest Fucked in the History This is the Greatest Fucked in the History This is the Greatest Fucked in the History This is the Greatest Fucked in the History This is the Greatest Fucked in the History This is the Greatest Fucked in the History This is the Greatest Fucked in the History This is the Greatest Fucked in the History This is the Greatest Fucked in the History

That should help.

Three Things I Have Learned

Been busy, but I want to pass on these three things I've learned recently:

1. If you...uhhh...have to cram, shall we say, thirty pounds of cement into a fifteen pound sack, make sure your pants...I mean sack, make sure your sack isn't dayglo hunter orange.

2. Your dog doesn't like going to the vet, even if it's just to make an appointment for one of your other pets.

3. If you want to show your gf a neat feature on your new digital camera, don't rush into the bedroom with your camera in hand while she's changing clothes.

What the puck?

I was farting around a bit before working, and I found this page of San Antonio Iguana jerseys (Central Hockey League; disbanded after the 2001-201 season).

I'm particularly taken with their Halloween jersey...

Taking a deep breath. . .

This started turning into the worlds longest hate letter. I've decided I can shorten it significantly, so I will.

First, I am happy Joe Gibbs is coming back as The Coach. Make no mistake--we've got The Best Coach The Redskins Could Ever Have.

Second, keep in mind he's (and I originally capitalized that: He's. Freudian slip.) not quite the second coming. It's not called a football team for nothing--he needs a better GM than Vinny Cerruto. I confess I don't know who's available, but even though I'm sure Vinny is a nice guy, I'm not sure he's the best GM out there. It's my opinion he was Dan Snyder's talking head--mouthpiece--ventriloquist dummy. Catch my drift?

Get The Coach a better GM. That would have me almost doing my happy dance.

The final part of the equation is the one part that can't get fired: The Owner. I don't trust Dan Snyder. Tom Friend at espn.com writes of Snyder that the one person he'll never interfere with is Joseph Gibbs.

I think Mr. Friend is dreaming. I don't trust Snyder...I don't trust him at all. Look at what happened when Spurrier was hired: Spurrier came on board with the understanding he'd get a GM better than Vinny Cerruto. Spurrier had the understanding he could run the team his way; next thing you know Snyder is bringing in "consultants."

Talk to Marty Schottenheimer sometime.

The Washington Post tells me this:

Gibbs...also receives the title of team president. Snyder and Vinny Cerrato, the Redskins' vice president of football operations, will continue to participate in player-related decisions but Gibbs apparently will have the final word.

Didja catch it? I'll delete some extra words in case you didn't: Snyder...will continue to participate in player-related decisions...

Why? Why in the name of all that is holy is the OWNER participating in player decisions? I have a major does-not-compute with that, because he's had ZERO success with his past player decisions.

I admire Snyder's ability to make more money in one month than I'll ever see in my life--I'll give him credit that he's damn good at that. But he couldn't place top ten in a fantasy football league, let alone make the playoffs in the NFL.

Snyder won't interfere? I'll believe it when I (don't) see it.

Changes

No, not the Redskins (though my tome on the new Coach is forthcoming. My apologies to both of my fans). I've gone off of GMT--UTC--Zulu Time--MuNu Time, and gone back to Eastern. It was driving me nuts.

I'm still keeping the calander in Spanish. That may change sometime, tho, or it might not.

ohpleaseohpleaseohplease

The Washington POST is reporting Joe Gibbs has a tentative agreement to come back as Head Coach of the Redskins.

The only person to even float that idea was the gf in the comments to this post.

Amazing.

UPDATE: I think we can say it's official...but I'm not happy dancing just yet. More later.

ANOTHER QUICK UPDATE: The statement at joegibbsracing.com.

Arghhhh!

That thumping is back.

Mookie and Hooke's Law

Apparently, Mookie is taking high school physics. She has a post up where she discusses Hooke's Law: The power (sic) of any springy body is in the same proportion with the extension as Mr. Hooke himself said waaay back a long time ago--even before I was born.

In typical teenage fashion, Mookie doesn't even touch on what Mr. Hooke actually meant, and makes the same dumbass joke I did when I was approximately her age. I, of course, thought it was a freaking scream waaay back then; now that I'm mature...OK, it's still pretty freaking funny. Heh.

Anyhoo, Mookie must now watch this short film which will convince her (and you!) of the importance of springs in your life.

Hey, it might get you some extra credit, kid.

I ain't no little birdie.

Today is my gf's birthday.

Happy birthday, sweetie!

And for my 200th entry...

...I'm going to bitch and moan. First of all, I'm sick. I've got a cold that is quickly evolving into leprosy or ebola or the Hanta virus or something.

Second, there is a rythmic thumpthumpthumping somewhere nearby that is driving its way into my stuffed-up pointy little head. It sounds exactly like Helga Von Bulow from Return to Castle Wolfenstein after she's been transformed into that big, ugly, one-ton creature by the Dagger of Warding.

If it doesn't stop soon, I'm gonna kill something.

Today's Rat News

It seems the Israeli Army has run into more trouble in Hebron: Israeli soldiers stationed in the tense West Bank city of Hebron have recently been battling an enemy they define as more scary then Palestinian militants: enormous rats...The rodents have grown so large that soldiers are calling them the Hebrew equivalent of "crats" due to their increasing similarity to the stray cats...

Now, everyone knows I love rats. I like rats more than I like some people. I think Everyone Should Have A Rat.

That being said, I'd probably be pooping in my pants if a giant, man-eating, cat-sized rat were running around in my front yard.

OTOH, a cat-sized rat is still smaller than a cow-sized guinea pig. Not that I'd want one of those running around in my front yard, either.

Thanks to Jaws for the pointer.

Ted

There are some things you just don't joke about. Lightning strikes. Nun beating. Puppy blending. The new coach of the Redskins.

Ted is so not funny anymore.

UPDATE: I just remembered Ted's Raiders fired *their* head coach.

C'mon, Rob and sweetie! Let's chant!

New Redskins Raiders coach Deion Sanders.
New Redskins Raiders coach Deion Sanders.
New Redskins Raiders coach Deion Sanders.
New Redskins Raiders coach Deion Sanders.
New Redskins Raiders coach Deion Sanders.

Not so funny now, is it, Ted? Hah!

New Redskins Raiders coach Deion Sanders.
New Redskins Raiders coach Deion Sanders.
New Redskins Raiders coach Deion Sanders.
New Redskins Raiders coach Deion Sanders.
New Redskins Raiders coach Deion Sanders.

So, how's your new year so far?

I've just finished my third bowl of hoppin' john, only this one was accompanied by collards. For someone who says she hates cooking, my gf sure does cook good. Only thing I would've changed was to add some Tabasco sauce in it while it was cooking, but that's just me.

I once had a friend ask me if I felt there was enought Tabasco sauce in Tabasco sauce.

(No, for the record. I like my sauces hot. My favorite hot sauce is called Pure Hell. Heh.)

She's at the Caps game (with her mother), which is only fair since the tix belong to her parents. I'm hoping the Caps put up a better fight (so to speak) then they did during last night's shellacking (Buffalo; Jeff Halpern had the lone goal. That should be the second time Halpern had the lone Capitals goal in a 7-1 loss. His first NHL goal was the only Caps goal in a 7-1 loss against Florida, if I'm not mistaken).

Anyway, the Caps just killed of a short 5-on-3, then the rest of the 5-on-4 against New Jersey. Keep your fingers crossed.

While proofreading, Mike Grier scored on a 2-on-1 give-and-go for a 1-0 Caps lead, his second of the season (first since Game 1 last year).

Let's go Caps!

New Blog Showcase vote

Lemonade: Life while hiding in plain site.

Also: IMAO (that is, Ethel's blog) is a Playful Primate in the Ecosystem. A fitting place for the head of the Simian Alliance.